“If you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.” -Susan Jeffries
I have realized more than anything that this experience has eye-opening. In every sense. It is incredible to me how much I didn’t realize before now. Point–you have to change your path in order to go in a different direction. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted. I thought I would graduate college, get a job, stay in SD, have the same friends… I was happy. But now, I have no idea where I am heading. And I have never been more happy. I have no idea where I will be next year. I have no idea who I am meet that will change my life. I have no idea what job is next for me. But it strangely feels ok. More than ok. I am so happy I see what else is out there… not even that–I am happy I can see that there are more possibilities than I can even imagine.
As I sat in the park today, I couldn’t help but writing. I love to write. I wish I could just travel and write–what a life that would be…
Today is a good day. I mean it’s 40 degrees, but the sun is out. I don’t think anything can make me feel as good as the sun does. So far I love the seasons, but not having the sun constantly has been rough. But I guess it makes me appreciate days like this so much more 🙂
Anyways, lately I have been thinking/reflecting on my last 4 months here. I’m not sure what it was inside me that made me make this decision but its a part of me that is now awake, alive. A part of me I don’t ever want to go away. I feel like I have grown up. Different things now matter to me. I am on a constant search of a new experience. Because I have realized that it is through experiences that you learn and grow the most. I don’t ever want my life to be stagnant. I feel like that would be like dying. Because what are you of you are not learning, growing, experiencing?
When things are taken away, or you leave them, you are able to examine them in a new perspective–from far away. No longer are they in a glorified light that they once were. As I experience more things and meet new people, I realize my priorities and likes are different that what I believed. Things and people who once made me so happy– I don’t know them anyone. Not everything of course. And it’s not like I see these things in a bad light. Its just the importance I placed so heavily on them has been… shifted.
I just want to see the world. I want to see it all. I have such a desire and passion to see everything. I don’t think I will every be satisfied. There is just so much! If only I had endless money and countless hours to do what I wanted. To travel!
I need to start thinking whats next. I mean, not start since I have done that, but focus. Sian and I were talking about next year. It is insane to me how fast this has flown by. We have to start thinking about the new au pair. That is so weird. But, it got us on the subject of what I want to do. I told her I am not going to ready to leave I don’t think. I’m not sure where I will end or what I will be doing, but I know I am not ready to leave Europe. I was talking her about possibly getting a job somewhere in Europe with her company. How awesome would that be?? Something in my field AND in Europe?!? Just have to figure out this whole Visa thing again. Ugh why can’t I just be a EU citizen?!?
So here I am again. Trying to figure the next chapter. But this time I’m not scared.