What if some things are just impossible?

The whole time growing up people tell you things like: “you can do anything if you put your mind to it,” and “you can be anything you want.” Encouraging? Yes. Truthful? I am starting to doubt…

I have always been a really optimistic person. Partially because although I believe in fate, I also believe that you really can control how your life goes. And for me, it has always worked out. Yes, some people are dealt bad cards. But if you work your ass off and have a good attitude almost anything is possible. At least I have thought that, until now. I might be naïve, but I have never thought anything to be impossible. It wasnt until now that there might just be some things you cannot have.

I have been going through the difficult process of changing my visa status. I have an awesome job lined up and all I want to do is start working but the bureaucratic mess known as the French administration is starting to put a damper on things. With the process still be unknown and the fact it is taking forever, (with no actual process time known), my employer and I are getting quite unsure if it is all going to work. Now, the optimistic and can-doer in me still believes this is possible. But, for the first time in my life after I have made a decision, I am starting to think, “what if it doesn’t work?”

Part of this is a stubbornness issue. Part of this is the “I really want this more than anything” issue. And sadly, part of this is a failure issue. I can’t just go back home. Not now. There is just so many things I want to do. And I realize that it is my problem I put the picture in my head already, but I want the life I thought I could have a few months ago. Living in the center of the city and finally working in a position I deserve with a company I want to work for.

I dont want to sound like I have been defeated. I havent. I am actually making another journey to the DDTEFP tomorrow (long French abbreviation for basically a thing that is the Department of Labor). I am somehow, some way, going to figure this out.

The main problem is…. where do I try and spend my time making this work? Sit in my studio, unemployed for the entire month of May and make daily visits to the French administrative goons who have no organized process. Or, spend beaucoup bucks to fly to the US and hope that I have everything in order, all the right paperwork, ability to make an appointment, and their ability to process my visa. Honestly, it is like an American presidential election… lets pick the lesser of two evils. I can’t decide what I should do. I have been trying for over a month now in France and have to stay have managed to accomplish little to nothing. This is why the gleaming shimmer of hope of the US looks so beautiful right now. My language, helpful people. But I know this option will not be easy as well.

I hate asking for help. Hate it. But someone please. Get me my visa for crying out loud.


What's your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s