When Being Civil Goes Out the Door

I always used to be one of those au pairs that said I was so fortunate because I had an incredible family. And I meant it. I really did enjoy my family and legitimately liked spending time with them. S and I became good friends and even my friends thought it was strange how much we talked and close we were. It’s weird to think of that now because I am actually a ghost in my house. Well, a ghost until they have something mean to say. N has not talked to me for well over a month now. And although S says she “totally understands,” she does things like what she did today.

Things have been weird since I have made the decision to leave but it seems as it gets closer to my move out date that I become more and more disposable. Here are just a few examples. At first it was the inability to answer text messages (even the ones regarding her kids) and the constant cut down of anything I was doing, then it turned into late nights without warning and putting the kids into play school over vacances without waning me when i counted on the extra money, and now today.

My contract with them officially ends May 1. That is Sunday. Today is Wednesday. Now that we have that covered can someone please explain to me why I need to have all my drawers cleared out and my room clean by tomorrow?? For the cleaning lady. To prepare for the grandma. Hmmm… well this info would have been useful a while ago and not Wednesday night. Also, even with ample warning, this is a little rude. Can we get a “Get the hell outta here” please? Way to make me feel like I meant anything to your family.

I love these kids. Yes, I complain, but I have spent the last 10 months of my life raising them. I really have done everything I could and enjoyed my time. But now I question what I actually was to the family. Just a blip. An au pair in what will be a series of au pairs. I will be remembered as the one who left early. It is crazy to me that what may very well be one of the most influential years of my life was nothing to them.

All that said. Today was a good day. I am starting to find all these things quite humorous and my ability to blow them off is getting quite good. It was my last Wednesday ever as an au pair and it actually went quite quickly. Then I had mosaic class which is always wonderful. Although there has been serious downs this week, I’m going to take it as a win.

As bad as luck as I have, some luck has flown my way recently. I went to picnic in the park with my good friend and she introduced me to a few of her friends. I was complaining about my visa situation (as usual) and one of the guys offered to help me! So incredible, right? So this Friday I will make attempt #843284328 but have a fluent French speaker that knows the system a bit by my side.

Luck #2. I am moving this weekend. There are a few problems with this. I have so so much stuff.  Beaucoup choses. And. I live so far from my new place. I was going to order a taxi but as I was discussing my plans with a friend of mine, he said that was stupid and offered up his help… and car. This will help facilitate the process. Although I am a bit scared about the size of the voiture

So, yes. My life is still a mess. But a beautiful mess… my mess. Take each day as it comes. I was so homesick this week I thought I wouldn’t make it. But I woke up today hopeful. And it’s morning like that that keeps me going. I am still here. and I am trying.

Bring it.


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