Check out my new article, Finding the heart of Paris: an expat view, on My French Life!
There will be 2 this week since I missed last week 🙂 Enjoy the 1st one…
Every year I anxiously anticipated summer. Freedom. Sunshine. Fun.
This year? Summer just brings good-byes, no time off and loads of good-byes. Not the childhood memory I was so fond of.
It’s the end of June and we have yet to see summer weather. July marks the end of several people’s time here in Paris. And don’t even get me started on how insane work is. It is times like this that I wonder why I took lazy, sunny San Diego days for granted. Honestly, I just want to plop my butt in the sand and soak in summer. Yet for some reason this summer I am exceptionally stressed out and frustrated.
I don’t know what I want. I love Paris. But I also hate it. Truth be told. I talked about my serious relationship with this city awhile back but now it has turned slightly abusive and I can’t break away. Work is honestly eating my soul and I keep having to prepare myself for goodbyes. No consistency, no control. I am spontaneous and go with the flow but I am not going to lie… I am a bit of a control freak like the rest of my family and lately I feel like I have no control.
Thinking about moving back stateside gives me serious anxiety. This has been my life for 2 years. And I see what happens to some of the expats that return–they just want to figure a way to come back. I know I could come back if I wanted to but moving back seems like an even bigger decision than the one I took to move to France. I don’t know why.
Maybe it’s because I know I have changed or the people I knew so well changed, or both. Or maybe it’s because I have I don’t think I will really fit back stateside. Or maybe it’s just my weird obsession with Paris.
I know going back to California would not be the end of the world. In fact, I am sure it would be good. There are days I can’t think of anything else besides moving home but then it seems like something in this city all draws me back in. I am so proud of my experience here. It was honestly the best decision I made. It seems weird to end it all. But I know one day I probably will. As much as I love it here, I am not convinced this is the city for the rest of my life. I’m a mover… I think I will experience several cities before finding my home.
Until then, I would really like if Paris could get its butt in gear and give me some summer!!!
This morning a few colleagues and I were talking in the kitchen about the wonderful weather June has brought us. It has honestly been winter since November with maybe 2 weeks of sun total. The only thing that got us through those tough months was the hope that summer would bring warmth and sunshine
Well. It’s June. No sun. No warmth. Just rain, rain, rain.
The last few days haven’t been too cold which causes another issue of humidity. Metro rides are not very pleasant in the first place but when it is hot and moist, it is a recipe for disaster.
Complaining was not the purpose of this post…
One of my colleagues compared the constant rain and humidity to the feeling we were in Bangkok. And I was struck with a flood of memories. I slowly looked up from my cup of tea and exclaimed, “yes, but Bangkok has sun and the people smile there.”
I miss Thailand. I miss it so much it hurts. I can’t help but let my mind wander to the days I spent there. I was ridiculously happy. Thailand is honestly my favorite place in the world. I just want to go back to my little hut in Pai and escape the world for a bit.
As much as I love Paris, I can’t live in a place without sunshine. It needs to step it up in the weather department or my future plans are truly going to start to sway to living somewhere else…